somber, it’s pretty outside
Saturday, August 27th, 2005 | 11 Comments 
I’m sad today. Around 12 am last night Mike and I had this huge 3 hour fight. I don’t know~ He seems over it but I don’t feel right. I don’t feel “ok.” He’ll probably read this but oh well. I could go into all of it but mainly it’s the stress about moving. Well, his stress. I’m not scared about moving. I still am totally lost about what he was mad at last night. It’s so lose, lose. I tried not to even get involved in the fight and that didn’t work. Then I tried just sitting there and listening. But he blames me for everything, including stuff I don’t even know what he’s talking about! After 30 minutes of that I couldn’t take it anymore and started sobbing. He just kept on so I ended up extremely enraged. It was horrible.
I’m not mad anymore. I never really was. He’s so hard to deal with because of all this stress. It’s so terrible. He contradicts everything he says then blames me. I can’t even be my sarcastic self around him because instead of laughing he gets pissed off and the only way to change that is to do the fight with him. I’m really tired of it. But of course, like he said last night, it’s my fault he’s like that.
That’s why I’m still unsettled. I’ve put up a wall today. I don’t want to talk to him about anything because I’m afraid something I say will piss him off. I know this entry makes him sound horrible, but I can’t go into ALL the details. I know I’m not 100% innocent in this shit.
I know I get irritated/pissed when he asks me the same question over & over. I told him to stop asking me “Are you sure you want to move.” I feel it’s such a hurtful question. As if he doubts I love him, or that I’m a southern redneck who’s too scared to move out of the south. It’s a hurtful question to me and I told him that over & over and that I WILL get pissed if you ask me it everyday. I’ve answered the question a billion times already. But no, he STILL ASKS ME.
I don’t know. And I’m still upset about Pookie’s passing. I just don’t know. I’m really really down for the first time in weeks. I don’t want to go out, I don’t want to even take a shower. I don’t want to write letters or talk to anyone or watch TV. Love is so fuckin’ complicated. No one ever talks about the downs of it. As good as it can be, it can be just as bad. It’s a balance. It’s a fuckin’ cruel balance.
edit. He apologized for everything and said it was all his fault. It doesn’t really change much though. It only matters if he really tries to not take out his stress on me. We’ll see~
Jenny posted at 4:38 pm ; Saturday
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11 Comments
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Jenny
Cheer up, Jen. I’m not the best person to come to with problems because, you could say, I’m inexperienced? But I hope things will get better for you.
Aww, sorry to hear about the fighting. X( I’m glad he apologized and I hope he realizes you CAN’T be always to BLAME for everything! >___< Hopefully after the move things will be back to normal and the two of you can enjoy your lovely apartment and the new scenery.
Lots of LUCK.
man its horrible you two had a fight, its really good he apologized! I know what you mean when ppl ask you the same stuff over and over, gets so annoying. I think though maybe, he is just asking you because he loves you and wants to know if you are a 110% percent. Girl! you should’nt put yourself down either! get up! go take a shower! put on some of your favorite clothes, and go out and have a blast!
i hope things work out
mucho love
That’s awful, here’s a virtual hug from me:
o—–O—-o
I hope today goes much better for you, just treat yourself to a nice hot bubble bath and drink some hot chocolate. *hugs*
Awh Jen~ I hope things settle for you. You sound real upset *hugs* Love can’t always be good, but think about what is good, ok? Mike sounds like a sweet guy and things aren’t going to be easy especially with the move. It’ll get easier, take care!
Oh baby, maybe he needs to learn how to take out his stress properly? Don’t be depressed, and maybe you should tell him how you feel when this happens. I’m quite inexperienced but.
I haven’t been here in a while…
Love, isn’t something I can really comment on since I haven’t experienced it much but I really do hope you guys fix everything ^^ Life’s too short for these things, you know? *hugs*
Mike is weird…
You’ll work things out I’m sure of it. You’ve dealt with much worse.
men can be so annoying!
i was thinking the other day that life could be so much easier if one didnt have a bf to complicate things. there will be no-one to argue with! no-one who will irritate you! i guess it’s not that simple.
hey girl… don’t know if you member me. mm im going through some tough shit like yours right now. nice to read and reflect what you have written. me and you, were parallel. i reckon its because im too subtle and i tend to just absorb everything, where as my dude tends to just vent and vent and then feel better. ugh. drop by if you have a xanga. (i use to be part of tunapuff… blah)